\"You didn\'t grow under my heart, but inside of it,” is a saying describes pretty well what parents of adopted children feel for their non-biological offspring. But the decision to adopt a child is not an easy one. The most common question people who are thinking about adopting a child ask themselves is \"Will I be able to love my adopted child as I love my own children?\" If you are considering adoption, you are probably asking yourself similar questions.
Just relax: Your doubts will disappear gradually when you are together with your adopted child for the first time.
The adoption of a child is in any case very different from giving birth to one. Pregnant women spend 9 months, from conception to birth, in close physical contact with their new baby. On the other hand, when adopting a child they spend a lot of time dealing with formalities, from filling out the first application to the long and difficult process of being approved by state agencies as a prospective parent. These formalities constitute many great obstacles and at times it seems that they will never be overcome. But one has to be aware of one thing: At the end of this difficult path there lies a completely new and probably better future for the child to be adopted.
How does one go about an adoption? When a married couple wants to adopt a child their first step takes them to an organisation, usually a private one like the church, that specializes in bringing together orphans with people who want to adopt a child. This organization checks whether the couple is adequate for the adoption of a child and then turns the process over to state agencies.
This is where all papers and documents are checked and re-checked and a thorough background check of both husband and wife is carried out. They will have to undergo physical examinations and psychological tests. Their financial solvency has to be proven and character testimony brought forward by employers or colleagues. Their criminal record is also checked. The list is seemingly endless.
When after all this paperwork the adoption has finally been approved nothing stands in the way between the child and its new parents. The process though, between first contacting a church and the final adoption, may take between 1,5 and 2 years.
How does one deal with the doubts of one prospective parent? It is totally normal that one of the spouses harbours doubts with regard to the adoption of a child. Is it the right thing to do? What will my other children make of it? Are they going to accept the new child as their brother or sister, or are they going to reject it? What is the rest of the family going to think of it? Will the child actually be better off with us? When these doubts surface, it is highly recommended to get in touch with other people who have already adopted a child and who are therefore more experienced. There are associations and clubs whose members are all parents of adopted children and who can tell from first hand experience how to deal with specific problems and situations.
Who can adopt children? As a general rule, parents have to be married and certifiably so, for at least three years. That doesn\'t mean that married couples have to wait until they are married for three years. They can initiate adoption proceedings before that time, since it takes, as mentioned earlier, 1,5 to 2 years for the adoption to come through. There are special regulations for families with already three biological children or if the parents have already adopted two children previously.
Michael RussellYour Independent guide to Adoption
